apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
