Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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