It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
