Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
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i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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