do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
