He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
