I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going