You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
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If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.