Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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