The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
