Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
