i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
