At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
