dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
