he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
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