So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Randomize
