Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
