some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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