its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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