I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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