I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
