If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize