i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
