He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
