just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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