You're a womanizer and a bitch.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i wish my penis had a tongue
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
