i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
