I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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