you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
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yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
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Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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