I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
