"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
