you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
