My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
