When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
