Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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