So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
