She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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