i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
