the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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