I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
