It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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