i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
