It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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