my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
