brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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