just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
