just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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