I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
dude. I can hear the air.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
