Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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