dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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