arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
