you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
