Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
