Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
