I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
