I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
