You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
