I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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