Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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