Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
