FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
