Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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