I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
time to smoke my breakfast
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
