We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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