so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
