Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
