birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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