my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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