I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
