no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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