Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
