p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
