Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have aggressive nipples.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
