I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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