you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
