My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
and you fell through a lawn chair
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
