Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
