..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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