I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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